Taking (And Making) Stock

So I finally "get to Christmas".

The quotes are important here: apparently if you manage to "get to Christmas" the chances of failing or dropping out reduce to near-zero. Each year a considerable number of PGDE students run screaming for the Exit door either during their two-week school induction block (no actual teaching required) or during their six-week teaching placement block (loads of actual teaching required). They either realise that they simply can't do it, or make the decision that standing in front of 20-30 teenagers simply isn't something that they enjoy.

"Getting to Christmas" is predicated on passing both your crit and being marked as Satisfactory in your Report From School. Having achieved the former last week, on Friday I achieved the latter. I'm proud of this - having only managed to teach for half of the placement due to my duff back.

Six weeks ago I wrote that by this date I would know whether or not I was capable of doing this, and whether or not I enjoy it. The facts would seem to verify that I am indeed capable of the first. However the answer to the second is more complex.

I really (like, really) enjoy being in front of a class and the kids seem to at least tolerate me. There's no doubt that you get an enormous buzz from seeing children learn as a result of what you are doing.

However - and I think this is a factor of student life rather than teaching life - it's hard not being properly part of a team. I miss my old work chums and I miss the social aspect of shared goals. Realistically, it's going to be at least a year or two until I experience that again.

Still. Teaching ? Love it. And I can do it.

And, er, the three weeks I now have to put my feet up, reel off a 3,500 word essay and drink too much beer would seem to be at least some compensation for the professional isolation. With Christmas dinner on my to-do list for this year, I'll also be spending the next week prepping for fifteen extended-family mouths, starting with a pot of soup the size of Meadowbank pool.

Now that I've taken stock, time to make some too.

Yaldi

Apparently, when the kids of today get something good happening or get a good piece of news, the accepted reflex response is "yaldi".

Today I passed my crit (see blogs passim). Yaldi.

Eighteen smiley twelve years olds beavering away frantically with frictionless ramps, light gates, digital timers and four-wheeled bogeys, trying to gather some results to see how the final speed of said bogey varies with its starting height.

In twenty minutes flat. In front of my tutor.

Try planning that, multi-million pound IT delivery dudes !

Anyways I even managed to get a "merit" in one of the four categories ("Professional Teaching Abilities") which apparently is a reasonable achievement for a first crit. My class were wee gems and the sweat I expended until late last night developing a spreadsheet that allowed them to enter their raw data and automatatically produce the nice curve graph for this experiment (feel free to prove it on the Comments page) paid off handsomely. A tableau of nine minigraphs all with the same curve displayed proudly on the Promethean board for all to see. Mission accomplished.

Half an hour of debrief - along with the review of the official report form - and a cuppa with said tutor, and it was on to my next lesson. No time to bask. No time go for a celebratory beer. No time for an extended lunch.

Next up, amongst other things, I have series and parallel circuits to cover with younger pupils, amplitude modulation to cover with some standard graders, and the potentially deep embarrassment of starting AC circuit theory with my Higher class. I am rapidly finding out that teaching your own area of academic "expertise" is actually the hardest thing to do.

However I now have an official document that says I am capable of doing this.

Yaldi.

Watch Your Back

Back in the saddle and teaching for real (instead of all that nambypamby "observing and cooperative teaching" flimflam).

The back is pain-free and my leg is only occasionally making me sit down. Listen up class - if you ever put a "tweak" in your back, pay heed to these learning outcomes: don't fanny about with it, get it seen to, rest it for a couple of days. A disc-prolapse is the most depressing pain I've ever experienced.

Anyways, student teaching is a complete feckin' nightmare. You are expected to really teach. This means producing between two and four lesson plans for every day of the working week and - although I knew this before I started - the reality is still like a punch on the nose.

Following every lesson, you get your feedback which essentially consists of being told what you're not doing right. Most of the "correct" alternatives can only seemingly be gained with experience - so essentially I am getting a near-constant stream of criticism for being inexperienced.

So loads of work, much of it being pulled apart. Twelve to thirteen hour days. Waking at 5am and not getting back to sleep. Learning a lot, but feeling persistently stupid. Did you know that sound is quicker these days ? Apparently it's not 330m/s any more, it's now 340m/s. And even when I'm on "home-turf" (electricity) my teaching is too complex. Don't (ever) try to teach internal resistance as being essentially a voltage divider circuit. And don't (ever) talk about energy if you're teaching about forces. Current is always big-I never little-i. Never use upper case on the board. And don't write with a red marker on a whiteboard. Don't go too fast. Don't go too slow. Share your learning outcomes. Check your success criteria.

(My teacher colleagues are actually excellent to work with - knowledgable, sympathetic and professional. Direct with feedback - which is what I asked for).

However, being in on-line touch with my fellow students is saving my sanity as it seems to be a common thread. At least I haven't burst into tears on the morning train, and I have yet to fail a crit (OK, so I've yet to sit one but we'll gloss over that), I have yet to have any pupils swearing at me or make lewd comments about my breasts. I have also yet to seriously question my being here. Yet.

However. Ouch. It hurts.

A Bit Of A Nerve

I can't teach.

Having finally got off the ground this week with a couple of "real" lessons, having subsequently been given some good feedback (along with the mandatory Areas For Improvement), the tweak I put in my lower back last week has finally reached out and grabbed the main nerve bundle serving my left leg.

The pain in my leg is feckin' terrible, primarily when I am standing or walking: two of the main physical activities required of a teacher. This has stopped my teaching in its tracks.

Consultations with both my GP and my local Chiropracter have resulted in a diagnosis of a disc prolapse along with a course of diclofenac and amitriptyline. I am sore, worried and grumpy - not least because I have a "crit" in a couple of weeks time and I'm going to be severely limited as to the amount of teaching practice I can actually complete.

The past couple of days have seen me laid up at home, lying on the sofa doing lesson plans and watching old DVD's on my new upscaling DVD player (try watching Bladerunner on a decent HD telly - top notch).

However, I'm now left with a bit of a dilemma. I can haul my ass back to school as soon as possible (in order to get as much experience as I can) and maybe make it worse; or take more time off in order to fully recover but get heehaw teaching practice before my crit.

The nightmare scenario is of course that I can't complete this placement at all and fail to graduate this year.

Oh, arse.

Unmiserable

Glasgow was awarded the 2014 Commonwealth Games on Friday at around 7 minutes before the lunchtime bell rang.

I know this because the S3 Physics class - who were about to start the Health Physics module (thermome'ers an' that) - asked if they could be told what the result was when it was announced. Bugger it (I guess) the incumbent teacher thought - let's just fire up the radio and listen to it live.

So we did.

Twenty minutes of "comment" from the usual Radio Scotland worthies....eh ? Hang on. Twenty twitching teenagers held in raptures by Dougie Bleedin Vipond ? But aye, sure enough not a peep. I did have to confiscate a mobile phone (school rules) but was it out in order for me to be videoed getting happy slapped ? Nope - it was out to record the announcement. I felt like a complete arse.

And then the announcement itself. Now, having spent the last god-knows-how-many-years in the professional company of right-on (and some not so right-on) adults, I had naturally (and involuntarily) been through the miserablist approach of considering how much better the cash might have been spent developing sport at grassroots level (if that was really the aim). I mentally tuttutted at the notion of Empire/Commonwealth and reflected on the fact that if we hadn't spent the last few centuries plundering the homelands of other nations then they might be in a position to produce slicker videos (and have better, more "athlete-friendly" infrastructure) blah-de-blah-de-blah.

Kids ? They don't give a monkey's nudger about all that. And to be part of their unmiserable celebration, to see the fire in the eyes of those pupils who do some sort of sport (and those now thinking of taking it up) starting to believe that they might be part of something big was one of those "deeply rewarding" moments we've been promised repeatedly during the formal University part of the course.

Whoopin' and a a-hollerin', the kids were overjoyed at this annnouncement and their completely unselfconscious celebrations will stay with me for a long time. As things are getting tough on the workload front, a timely wee reminder of why we're doing this.

Feeling The (Latent) Heat

Having been lobbied by my numerous readers, I have finally managed to get reblogged.

Things have been quite quiet on the blog front, since the month of October was split asunder by a sneaky wee week off. Seven days in the arborial splendour of Center Parcs down Sherwood Forest way - some lesson planning being done between the archery, swimming, Turkish hamam and Kronenburg 1664. How do you make the concept of latent heat and change-of-state interesting to a bunch of 14 year olds ?

I settled on the idea of using reusable heat packs which use the latent heat produced by the crystallisation of sodium acetate gel. Preparation was good for me in that I had forgotten all about the whole change-of-state thing and the associated weird things that happen heat-wise.

Here's a wee query for all you armchair physicists: if I take two ice-cube trays - one with ice cubes and one with water - outside when the temperature is precisely zero degrees, what happens to the contents of each tray ? Consider this your homework for next week - answers on the comments page.

We're now on the semester-1 home straight. Back out to school for our teaching practice placement proper. This will last six weeks and will take us to mid-December and a three week holiday (which will be taken up writing a 3500 word essay due for January 7th). During this teaching block, we'll be responsible for three or four class groups delivering around ten lessons per week in total - which doesn't sound very much until you consider we're all taking around three to four hours per lesson plan. This three-four hours needs to become sub-60 minutes very quickly or it will very rapidly become completely unsustainable.

Also during this teaching block, every student gets their first "crit" - you are visited by your tutor who watches you deliver a lesson and then tells you why it wasn't very good. Essentially I have about three weeks to reach a minimum competency standard in time for the crit itself, and avoid the dreaded NYS grading. Not Yet Satisfactory.

Regular readers will recall that my two lessons so far were - in my opinion - NECTS and FB. Hopefully the latter will prevail in three weeks time.

The number of blogs over the coming month and a half will depend on how close I get to the sub-60 minute lesson plan, and how depressed I feel at not being able to do the job itself (which apparently is pretty much par for the course). I am fairly confident that by 14th December I will know two things about this career-jump of mine:

1. Whether or not I enjoy teaching
2. Whether or not I'm any good at it.

Here goes.

Blowing Hot And Cold

Two solid days at the weekend, thinking about how to teach a class of S2 pupils about series and parallel circuits. A full-on lesson plan (well ahead of schedule in terms of academic expectation), reviewed with my sympathetic and helpful incumbent physics teacher. Reworked following that advice - resulting in a better plan. Ready to go.

And my delivery was crap.

Dull lesson. Delivered with a set of shoulders that were tenser than the proverbial camel's arse in a sandstorm. Earnest pupils trying to pay attention and listen to my hopeless verbal micturating.

OK, so I'm exaggerating. My feedback was "OK - here's how you can make it better. It was by no means the worst first-lesson I've seen". But I hated it. It wasn't how I pictured myself as a teacher.

Fast forward 48 hours to my scheduled primary school visit. P7 teacher struggling with - savour the irony - electric circuits. My offer of assistance was jumped upon - and with no preparation, no time to fret about it - I delivered 40 minutes of exhilarating (for me anyway) teaching. High order questioning, pupil involvement, humour, cooperative teaching, and all finished off with a bit of assessement to guage achievement of learning goals.

The teacher gave me some good feedback but I only really heard "if I hadn't known you're a student I would have said you'd been doing this for years".

Woohoo!

So, a week of two halves. From the despondency of being poor to the exhilaration of being, well, pretty good.

This week, it's back to Uni for another four weeks. Four days a week. Tuesdays off.

Torture eh ?

Gordon Ramsay : Eat Yer Pansy Heart Out

As an old, earnestly non-sweary chum says - "Jings".

A week in real school and I'm knackered. Er, and because of the Glasgow autumn holiday on Monday it was actually only a four day week. Four days of non-stop teenage mentalness.

Tuesday was spent doing the intro meetings and school organisational chitchat. All very necessary, but it was only after lunch that I managed to get in among a proper class and start to do some toe-in-the-water stuff. "Can you tell me what you're doing guys ?" I asked of the spikey-haired-shirt-tail-hanging-out group of 16 year old pupils.

"Momen'um" - was the reply, not really inviting any further conversation. However, recognising the frictionless track, exploding bogeys, light-gates and timing device, I started to ask them to explain conservation of momen'um to me. It's funny, but when you play the daft-laddie it can really open people up. Within about fifteen minutes I was being asked what team I supported. Apparently it's quite unusual for student teachers to get talking to pupils so soon. Woop.

Thursday's plan was shadowing an S1 pupil for the entire school day - this turned out to be one of the most tiring days I have ever spent. Period 1 : 20 pupils (12 year olds) in the Home Economics deparment, each one tasked with making a pot of leek and potato soup........in about forty minutes. Apron on, sleeves rolled up, I constituted a classroom assistant perpetual motion machine for the entire period. Some pupils easily on-task. Some pupils not grasping how to scrub a potato. Some pupils in danger of cutting their fingers. Some pupils needing watched in case they scalded themselves. Twenty pots of soup later, and it was on to maths. Sitting at the back of the class, on at least two occasions, I came withing a whisker of putting my hand up with an answer to a question.

There followed a day of more or less non-stop attention-keeping. Hard enough for a bought-in budding-teacher adult, but for a 12 year old it's simply not possible to keep focus for that length of time. And it showed. You could count on one hand the kids that didn't get reprimanded for not paying attention. This was a "good class" too.

Needless to say, a small sherry was required on Thursday evening.

Anyhoo - this week I will be flying solo with a class of S2 pupils. My mission (if I choose to accept it, and I have) is to explain series and parallel circuits. Given the fact that actual teaching isn't a requirement for this short induction block, I'm hoping this will put me ahead of schedule.

Interactive whiteboard, here we come.

Um, Er, Um.

This week saw our first attempts at teaching a lesson. Not a lesson to actual pupils, but a five minute mini-lesson to our peers on a subject (of our own choice) from the "Health Physics" section of the Standard Grade physics curriculum.

I chose the use of Ultrasound, and given the fact that I have a fourteen year old scan from The Queen Mother's Maternity Hospital thought that a "real world" example of the technology might prove enough of a hook.

Now I've done a fair number of oily corporate PowerPoints, but this was wayyyyyyyyy tougher. Ever tried to explain the concept of sound when you don't know how much your audience already knows ? When you don't know how bright (or otherwise) they are ? When you don't know how motivated your audience is ? When you're not 100% sure of how the (ultra)sound is produced ? Why use ultrasound and not MRI? Is therapeutic ultrasound different to imaging ultrasound ? Where was it invented ? Is it dangerous ? How do you know ?

It is of course not difficult for an internet-capable dude like me to find the answers - once I've created a list of issues and questions. But my prep took me a day and half.

For a five minute lesson.

A full-time teacher is required to deliver more (probably way more) than twenty 50-minute lessons each week. Yikes.

Anyways, we were all a bit guilty of some umming and ahhhing (along with repeated use of "OK?") but some peer feedback told me that I had been "entertaining" and "engaging". "Educational" didn't feature as a comment, but then neither did "hopeless", so I guess I've avoided the dreaded crash 'n' burn for the time being.

This coming week I'll be able to see the whole lesson-planning and delivery in action as the time has arrived for us to spend a two-week induction block at our nominated school.

Those Who Can.

We all got a bit of a reality check this week.

Although most folks were well aware of the requirement to submit a couple of chunky assignments across the year as well as do loads of teaching practice (with all the associated lesson plans and evaluations) we've now had our obligations explained to us regarding our Professional Portfolios.

A Professional Portfolio does what it says on the tin - it is your written record of how you learn (and, subsequently, continuously develop) as a teaching professional. Note the use of the term "continuously develop" there - this is a career-long requirement. If you fail to develop and enhance your skills (and - importantly - provide the evidence) you're out.

What this means for the trainee teacher is to demonstrate - in your portfolio - that you have come to understand the following:

• Professional Knowledge & Understanding (massive)
• Professional Skills & Abilities (massive)
• Classroom Organisation & Management (massive)
• Professional Values & Personal Commitment (massive)

Additionally you have to document that you have covered all health and safety policies, first aid procedures, emergency procedures, multi-agency working policies, child protection policies, primary school liaison policies, communication policies, management structure, assessment procedures, accident reporting policies, additional support needs policies, knowledge of school catchment area..........for each school you visit.

And this is just the first version of the portfolio. It needs to be added to and kept up to date year on year in order to demonstrate how you are developing.

This simply outstrips anything I experienced in 20-odd years of corporate life.

Essentially, in the corporate world, you can trundle along, year after year doing a reasonable job and unless you really (like, really) mess up your future is reasonably well assured. Learn the politics, who to have as an ally, what those in positions of authority are looking for and it's a scoosh. Now of course, those many folks in corporate-world who work hard, strive to do a great job and perform honourably get rewarded and recognised (as they should). But for an employer to offload those at the other end of the scale is actually quite difficult. It either costs a wad of cash or requires a tortuous disciplinary process in order to avoid a messy employment tribunal. Essentially then, a haven for the smart-but-lazy. Or the smart-but-disillusioned. Or the earnest-but-hopeless. And I should know, I've been all of these things at some stage. OK - we could debate the "smart" bit.

Teaching ? Well, unless you demonstrate continued professional development, year on year, the General Teaching Council can revoke your licence to teach. And they're not actually your employer. But your employer (the local authority) can't continue to employ you if you don't have your licence. So you're out on your ear - how cool is that ? No-one actually has to sack you for you to lose your job.

Now I know what you're thinking: "aye right, I've known loads of moany-faced crap teachers". Indeed, but things are a-changing. Continuing professional development is the current hot issue - and I guess there's a fair few long standing teachers keeching themselves.

However, there is also a much bigger number of experienced, dedicated teachers - along with the influx of mature enthusiastic postgrads - who are now in a prime position to demonstrate that the professionalism of teachers is at least the match of their corporate counterparts.

Hard work ? You bet. I fired up the new Vista laptop (grrr) this morning (Saturday) at 9:15am. I'm still doing stuff at the moment (pay no attention to the timestamp below - it's around 7pm just now). Today I have written a mini-lesson plan; written my ICT assignment due for January (500 words on howstuffworks.com); written up three lectures and a tutorial, planned out my initial tasks for my portfolio and set up a Wiki for our group assignment on Climate Change (Outdoor Learning Opportunities).

My smug meter is still on full 'cos I've enjoyed every minute.

Vista Shmista

I took the plunge and bought a new laptop today. Nice hardware, shame about the OS.

Windows Vista is possibly the poorest piece of commercial software since Lotus Notes - it simply will not do the basics. Unreliable wireless connectivity, completely non-intuitive UI and a stubborn refusal to talk to anything else that you might have on your LAN (er, like backup disks and shared printers). It's pish.

Anyways, I bought it as things are starting to hot up on the University front. Lectures coming thick and fast, science tutorials (yup, bunsen burners, electroscopes, microscopes, hydrochloric acid, and the old favourite Van de Graaff generator, what a hoot that was) and assignments and I can't keep bothering the Mrs for shots at her laptop (if you'll pardon the indelicacy). She has a real job to do after all.

I don't think I could even attempt to keep on top of things without a machine of my own and me old favourite Microsoft Outlook - which is perfect for keeping notes, weblinks, tasks and appointments in one place, all automatically synced with my Pocket PC. Strathclyde Uni is pretty well set up ICT-wise and I can see all my lectures on-line if I need a refresh.

So can you : here's a link to one of this week's lectures on the history of Scottish Education since the 15th Century. No really - it's actually quite interesting. Take a look and learn some stuff.

One of this week's big discoveries is that I am naturally attuned for education. I am, apparently, a Quadrant Four learner according to Kolb's learning approaches. This makes me an ideal candidate for a career in Marketing, Sales, Action-Oriented Management (whatever that might be) and (fanfare) education. I guess that puts the 22 years in IT in a kind of perspective.

I am now trying desperately to avoid a sort of maudlin reflection on whether or not I have wasted the biggest part of my "career".

Finally, I'm now a "friend" on something called Bebo, one of the hazards of working with the young folks - in this case a nice wee lassie in my tutorial group. When you're "on" Bebo it seems you have to talk in a special language (thnx, lol, pshd, shppin, k) and humiliate yourself with a photo trying to look like someone "glamourous".

In my day we had real friends.

Mosh Pit For Bugs

I managed four days before the all-new germ mix - inherent in a new work/education setting - managed to overcome my hitherto fairly impressive immune system. My throat is raw, my nose resembles the capilliary-like tube in the Sudafed advert and my eyes are like dogs' balls.

My course tutor pre-warned us that once you get into a school setting you can wave goodbye to long term bouts of clear health - I didn't even get to the end of the first week of Uni. Deep joy.

Anyways, a week of lectures, tutorials, timetabling mishaps, and getting to know some fellow students - some of whom look like they are barely out of school, others who look like they should already be drawing a pension. It was a couple of dudes from the latter group who gave me a reality check in the morning coffee queue: I kinda assumed they were in their late-40's/early-50's, so when one of them looked straight at me and said "yeah, us older generation students should be well ahead of the game when it comes to discipline" - I felt the need to either punch him on the nose or go and buy a bag of Werther's Originals. I don't look that old do I ?

This week I are been mostly learning about different learning styles; policy bodies in Scottish Education; school organisation; faith schools (grrrrrr); and general science (since I'll be required to teach that an' a'). It's been quite a slow start and as I was all geared up for a huge workload, I've been left feeling a bit deflated. I have been assured that that will all change once we get to the first "school experience" block.

I've also been starting to get (involuntary) ideas for lessons. This morning's hair-brained notion was to use a Who Wants To Be A Millionaire format for revision lessons. It could work. Couldn't it ?

I guess no-one would notice any cough-based cheating among all the other snuffles and sneezes...........

Ladder, Bottom Rung. Not Quite On It Yet.

Constructivism.

Having registered at Strathclyde University this week, I am now a fully-fledged student again. I have tried to limit my god-awful "Rik" impressions (upper-front teeth thrust forward, one hand raised to waist level with a V-sign to the fore) but have failed miserably. I haven't been this smug for quite some time.

Constructivism.

Having joined three (count 'em) three teachers' unions, collected a few freebies, gotten my student card and looked aghast at my timetable for the year - I have since been reading about how folk learn and in what environments they are most likely to excel.

Constructivism.

Sit pupils down, stand at the blackboard and talk at them. Give them hunnerz of facts. Tell them to read books and revise dead hard. Get them to repeat rules/mantras/facts. Be an expert in your subject and you'll be a good teacher.

I've never believed in all that (and thankfully it's not what's expected of us). I've never been an expert in anything (cheesy 80's pop aside) - but I've always enjoyed understanding strengths and weaknesses in others; setting challenges; having a hoot; helping; prodding; giving advice; seeking debate; celebrating successes; trying to create an atmosphere where others want to learn and succeed. Now I might have been crap at it - but that's not the point. It's what I believed.

It's called Constructivism, and when I read about it, I felt the need to put my tongue between my teeth and bottom lip and mutter "well.........duh". I am the converted and on Monday I will getting preached at.

Away we go....................

Eh, What's A Newton Again ?

Been studying this week. Having done a bit of background digging, I'm told that the majority of my training time will be spent with S1 - S3 pupils. So, off into Borders to purchase some Standard Grade Physics past papers. (Higher Grade papers can wait for just now - I might hurt myself).

Surprisingly I was able to do just about everything with the embarrassing exception of struggling with concave versus convex lenses. Optics was something I was a bit hopeless at when I was at school and as far as I can remember my degree course in Electronics & Electrical Engineering didn't spend a huge amount of time on it.

However resistors, magnets, momentum, work, energy, waves, radiation all seemed to come flooding back. However, one of the really good things about education these days (well, physics anyways) is that there isn't a part of the curriculum called "radioactivity". It's buried in the component called "Health Physics". Similarly, Newtonian Mechanics is buried in "Transport" and so on.

This is great - how many folk do you know didn't take Physics because they couldn't see its relevance ? Nowadays the structure of the curriculum itself is designed to demonstrate real-world relevance.

A subject having gone from being called "Natural Philosophy" (which they still called it at Glasgow University in 1981) to "Physics", I reckon a further rebranding is due: "Welcome everyone to Standard Grade How-Stuff-Works".

Probably.

That Was The First Week That Was

The end of my first week "between engagements". Not really a huge surprise, but I did actually miss being at work - well, certain aspects of work anyway. Being able to get out of bed at a reasonable hour (8:30am) was good. Being able to go for a jog to wake myself up was good. Having breakfast with my family was great. Finally managing to address some domestic to-dos was, well, good brownie points.

But not having the daily routine of coffee/lardy-pastry/morning chinwag/journey home is a bit of a hole. Cliche alert: it's only when something has gone that you really miss it.

Big news story this weekend - apparently there is a surplus of newly qualified teachers. A surplus so humungous that only about 16% of newly qualified teachers have managed to get permie posts in Glasgow. Of course this figure covers everything from primary teachers to secondary home-ecies teachers so I'm not losing any sleep (er, mainly 'cos I haven't been to bed yet since reading the story).

I can also draw on my experiences of six years ago when I found myself out of work at a time when the market for my "skills" (IT project management) was at a virtual standstill. I still managed to get a decent job. And let's face it - for me this is the ideal time for such a story to break - gives the Executive plenty of time to sort it out.

Anyways, I spent some time this week doing some course-reading. General stuff about teaching practice, and also more specific stuff on Scottish education post-devolution. However, this coming week I need to focus more on the specific physics stuff. It's well over twenty years since I last chewed on letters of the Greek alphabet and I need to check if v still equals fλ.

Finally, I found out that as a physics teacher I will still have to teach "general science" to S1 and S2 pupils. Jings - does this mean I'll have to talk about birds, bees and what they get up to when they get their kit off ?

The Afternoon After The Morning After The Night Before

Flippin' blink. Why on earth do we find it necessary to drink olympic volumes of alcohol to celebrate life events ? My teeth are all wearing wee socks, my breath smells like the bowels of beelzebub and there's a gnawing pain at a precise point immediately behind and one inch above the bridge of my nose.

I have left my job.

Good job it was too. Interesting work, great workmates, good pay and conditions. Health cover, pension, reasonably secure. And I've left it, celebrating the fact in the pub with those people that have become my friends over the last six years. To those fine people I would offer my thanks for bearing with me and my tendency to talk bollocks at least every day and my appalling habit of whistling 80s cheese-pop as I went about the daily grind.

So, why have I left such a comfy position ? Simple really: one day - hopefully - I'll be an old man "lying in my own pish" (as a non-work chum often artfully describes). Quite simply I don't have the guts to contemplate lying there thinking of what might have been. I have always suspected I might be quite a good teacher; people have told me this too. They keep on telling me.

So, I'm going to find out if we're right. And if we're wrong, at least I'll know for sure.